Well, there are two things that I can say about yesterday at Journey Church International:
1.) I haven’t been that nervous to preach for a long time, and
2.) I cannot remember a Sunday where I have laughed that much at church, while I was preaching.
It was a good day, and a fun day…and hopefully a “breakthrough day” for the marriages in our church.
A few thoughts on the day:
Biblical Marriage should be characterized by a GREAT sex life:
As we studied the Song of Solomon, and what the Apostle Paul had to say in 1 Corinthians, it becomes clear that Christians should have a great sex life. Highly passionate, highly communicative, and highly pleasing. Too many marriages lack passion, which leads to insecurity, frustration, bitterness, unfaithfulness, and divorce. I pushed our people to understand this, and to buy in!
A Great Sex Life has Great Communication:
Every married couple should have a “How, When, and Where” Sex-Talk. The thought is this: most of us are too busy to have a great sex life based on spontaneity. Also, none of us our mind-readers. So, we’ve been called to love our spouse selflessly, and passionately, and consistently, but we rarely talk about it. Having this conversation will take your intimacy to a new level! Here’s the questions:
“How” – What types of intimacy do you desire and enjoy, what things are major turn-offs, or purely off-limits in your sex life? Is there something you really desire that your spouse never does (because they don’t know), or something in your sex life that you hate, but your spouse always does (because you haven’t told them)? The key to comfort, enjoyment, and security in your sex life from this communication.
“When” – If you are busy, and have kids, you actually have to schedule times to have sex if you’re going have a great, and consistent, sex life. You should schedule this time in advance, at times you like to be intimate. Is your wife always too tired at night, when you’re ready? Is your husband always too busy during the day, when you are ready? You have to talk about the right “times” to have sex, and the days you are setting aside for this during the week. Figure out the when.
“Where” – Where is the spot that your spouse is most comfortable and free to make love? Where are some exciting new spots that you can try? Answer these questions as a couple!
“What’s Wrong” – This is an additional question, but one that must be asked if there is an unseen barrier in your sex life. Because of the prevalence of pornography and sexual abuse in culture today, some people are really closed to sexual intimacy, and it has little to do with their spouse. However, it is impacting the marriage, so it has to be discussed. As a couple, you have to ask this tough question, and then love each other to health when you find out there is an issue. If it’s an issue you’ve created (pornography, affairs, unhealthy relationships, etc.) you need to take time to rebuild trust.
I challenged all of our couples, after having the above conversations, to have sex 3 times this week. Why 3 times? Because I am a wimp, and I was afraid to ask for 7, like Pastor Ed and Lisa Young do in their book “Sexperiment”. If you’re reading this blog – I have two challenges for you:
1.) Have sex 3 times this week with your spouse, AFTER having the conversations above.
2.) Listen to this week’s message on sex in marriage. There is so much more that I couldn’t write down that you need to learn. You can watch it here: http://takethejourney.sermon.net/dv/119839909/play or listen to it on podcast here: http://takethejourney.sermon.net/da/119839909/play.
3.) Buy the books “Sexperiment” by Ed and Lisa Young and “Real Marriage” by Mark and Grace Driscoll, and read them. They will change your marriage – I PROMISE!
We wrap the series “Love, Sex, and Marriage” this Sunday w/ “The 10 Commandments of Marriage”. Hope you can make it if you live in Kansas City!